I’ve spent the last three days struggling with how to kick my protagonist in the teeth.

The story has reached that fun and funky moment when Our Young Man starts moving from reaction to action, and everything – the frying pan, the fire, the shit and the fan – are all about to be doused in kerosene and just go VA-WHOOM! 

Aaaand I just can’t make it happen. Which is – and yes, this is a technical term – a real pain in my ass. I know the poor kid’s face needs a fairly solid existential encounter with my left boot, but I’m having trouble figuring out precisely how to domino the most teeth.

I’m pretty good at making unpleasant things happen to my characters, but I’m not very good at crafting the kind of po-faced, underhand dickheads or gold-plated assholes that really drive a story forward. So I’m going on a date with my bad guys. I’m going to shelve the writing for a day or so, do some research, ask annoying-but-pertinent questions (“So other than burning puppies and attending church socials, what do you do for fun?”) and really get to know what makes the bastards tick. Them I’m going to let them kick the poor kid square in the face.

Sorry, buddy, but I’m really going to enjoy this.